Salman Rushdie is pure fodder for paparazzi: He participates in literary squabbles, fights the fatwa, engages in juvenile dick-wars about book-signing records, schmoozes around the world looking for a fifth wife, and now sues (on the basis of libel) the security guard coming out with a tell-all memoir about Rushdie’s time spent under police protection.

The security guard alleges, in his forthcoming book, On Her Majesty’s Service, that Rushdie’s nickname was Scruffy. He alleges police officers tucked Rushdie into a cupboard while they went drinking. He alleges that the police paid Rushdie rent for having officers stay at his house. And Rushdie, not so allegedly, promises he will sue for libel. Ah, what good literary fun. On the happy side for Rushdie, at least The Enchantress of Florence made the Man Booker Longlist.